Not Another PAF Episode
by Kriftonucci
Summary: Just a normal crackfic portraying the show's substandard predictability. Enjoy.


Not another PAF Episode

By Ten Black Roses

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It was a disappointingly predictable day of wholeness as Phineas and Ferb were doing something fun.

And by fun I mean ludicrously irksome for their tastes even though they were only nine years old, meaning they shouldn't even have the amplitude to desire that much intricacy in retrospect.

"Wow Ferb this is interesting!" Said a happy Phineas, while looking at a statue of a dude.

"That's exactly what I'd be saying if I were trying to go against the writer's volition for there to actually be a plot instead of renouncing my own accurately childish acumen in order to inexpensively add variety to this show"

"Kind of Ironic when you think about it" Replied Ferb.

Suddenly to Ferb's horror, Phineas' head turns a full one eighty to give Ferb an angrily horrifying glare.

Phineas was beyond the word furious (even though they still both rhyme perfectly).

"ZIP IT!! You're not supposed to say anything until the show is about to end, YOU GOT THAT?!" Phineas bellowed, which consisted of a somewhat demonic tone (sort of like one's regular voice with a deeper voice talking at the same time).

Ferb nodded, almost on the verge of fainting.

"Good" Said Phineas before turning his head back to its normal stature.

"Now let's build something we'd be incapable of creating even if it wasn't for our age, our lack of sufficient knowledge, and even the simple fact this is a stupidly idiotic kid's show"

"And don't forget our means of breaking the fourth wa-"

Ferb was cut short by Phineas' sudden glare. His pupils literally turned red as it added to the livid scowl he gave Ferb.

"Have you ever wondered what the difference between people choked to death and having their necks broken is?" Asked Phineas, with that same demonic tone (only this time, it was accompanied by scary themed Gregorian background music).

Ferb didn't speak anymore.

"That's right! Now let's start building with stuff that's just going to come out of thin air" Phineas added before they started.

Meanwhile, somewhere inside the house, Candace was using her signature "I'm way too stupid to even make an attempt at making an attempt to mind my own business without renouncing to get a life instead of focusing on my little brothers' antics more than my deficiency to even create my own" glare to spy on Phineas and Ferb, right outside her window.

As she looked at them, Candace scowled or obtained whatever facial expression that was either the opposite of "happy" or "willing to at least occupy my free time in figuring out why I'm boobless".

"Oh boy! I'm going to get those boys into more trouble than the odds of me actually succeeding in running into a fluke that's going to cause me to fail" Said Candace while dialing a number on her cell phone.

Meanwhile meanwhile, as Phineas and Ferb continued to build something, a random guy and Isabella came walking towards them.

"Hey, isn't your show too young to have the conceited cheek to apply a recurring gag?" Asked the random guy.

"Yes, yes it is" Replied Phineas.

"Oh, okay, I was just wondering since just like any adult throughout the formulaic "children-protagonist" canon, I'm an ignorant jackass"

Afterwards, the guy walked away, leaving only the extra presence of Isabella.

"Hello Phineas and Ferb, but mostly Phineas of course as I am in no way concerned with the human plant"

If Ferb was permitted to apply explicit emotions, he'd be crying.

"Hey Isabella!" Replied Phineas.

"Whatcha doin?" Isabella asked.

"…huh?" Asked Phineas, semi puzzled.

"Whatcha doin?" She repeated the question.

"… Washa doin? Sorry Isabella, but Chinese isn't even a legible language to count on-"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU AND THE TREE UP TO!?" Isabella bellowed.

Ferb tried to hang himself with an invisible rope.

"Oh right, we're just encouraging our chronic gag" Replied Phineas.

"Oh cool, can I help?" Asked Isabella.

"Oh absolutely! But before you move, wait…for…it…" Said Phineas, before he looked at his watch, and began counting to three with his fingers.

After making it to the final digit, Phineas smiled and asked as though he were really concerned.

"Hey where's Perry?"

Somewhere not very far from where Phineas and Ferb stood (but still hidden of course!); Perry walked towards an object (cleverly labeled "object") and opened it.

It was what transported him into his secret agent headquarters…thingy. He sat on his chair, in which the TV immediately turns on with the face of an unfamiliar figure.

"Agent 007, this is an urgent report on-"

The guy suddenly realizes he was talking to a platypus all this time since the TV screen turned on.

Perry raises an eyebrow (well, not that platypuses actually have them!)

"Wait an hour! You're not Daniel Craig! Damn it! This just one fourth explains why the James Bond franchise has gone to more corporal backup!"

The guy disappears afterwards. Seconds later, allowing Major Monogram's face to appear on screen.

"Greetings agent P., you've been called here… (cough)asusual(cough) to stop a dangerous creation made by dr. Doofenshmirtz… (cough)again(cough)"

Perry raises an eyebrow once more (if he even has them!)

"What? Be glad I'm not sending you to kidnap someone who knows a cure for this!" Major Monogram implies.

With that put aside, Perry pulled out a jetpack, and flew away.

Back with Candace, who had reached to dial her mother's cell phone.

"Hello? Mom?" Asked Candace.

"Oh hi Candace, how's babysitting going? Even if it's become so obvious it's practically against the law to deny the impulse of hearing you say anything about your brother's doing something improbable" She asked.

"It is! And you wouldn't believe me anyway due to the fact that every time you come by, it's milliseconds too late to see what they've wrought" Replied Candace.

"What was that?" Asked her Mom, not understanding squat.

"The writers just want me to express my nonexistent lack of common sense as long as it's disguised as persistence in order to fruitlessly abide this absurd subplot. But even if knowing that would lead me to a beneficially existentialist theory of which could perhaps guide me out of this viciously conformist plot to help me live my life, that's not the point" Candace included.

"…I'm sorry, can you repeat that dear?" Her Mom asked.

"SIGH, Just arrive here the quickest you can, okay Mom?" Retaliated Candace.

"All right, but you owe me another ticket to the front row of Haley's comet," Her Mom replied.

"Oh don't worry Mom. You won't live long enough to see it when it comes back" Candace said before hanging up.

Back to back with Phineas and Ferb, The great machine they were building was almost finished.

"Thanks for helping us build this, Isabella" Phineas said gratefully.

"It's the least I could do after you saved my pet turtle from being cut in half" Replied Isabella.

"Err, that wasn't me, it was the teenage redhead who also sports a show on the same channel as ours" Phineas corrects.

"I know, just testing out this subliminal advertising thing Disney seems to be putting everywhere these days" Said Isabella.

"What?" Asked Phineas, having not heard well that last part.

"GRANDCHILDREN! You had me at our grandchildren" Isabella replied, looking overly tense, yet still smiling.

"Oh, okay" Replied Phineas, smiling back at Isabella.

"Hey! Now that we're done, let's commence the all famous fruity song portion of the show!" Said Phineas.

A microphone came out of nowhere straightly landing on Phineas' hand. He began singing once the music was already playing:

We're all here to begin novelties now

Because our views have all taught us to see how

That anything you want can be conceived

Just as long as you always be-

(Disk scratch)

(Drum intro)

(Violin-like music goes on)

(Trumpet sound)

(Violin like music goes on again, but this time accompanied by a choir singing identical notes)

(Trumpet sound)

We're no strangers to love  
You know the rules and so do I  
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of  
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling  
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long  
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it  
Inside we both know what's been going on  
We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling  
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

(Ooh give you up)  
(Ooh give you up)  
(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up)  
(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up)

We've known each other for so long  
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it  
Inside we both know what's been going on  
We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling  
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

(End)

It wasn't like Phineas knew whether to be confused or freaked-out. After all, he had just been rick rolled.

Returning with Perry, the platypus had finally managed to arrive onto the skyscraper, where its (poorly conceived) structure would have knocked it down long ago.

Right there, Perry came face to face with Dr. Doofenshmirtz after he entered a room labeled "evil lair" (wouldn't it have been a butt-load of a benefit if Stan Lee could have co-produced this crap?)

"Ah! Perry the platypus, you've arrived just on the nick (Jonas) of time to see my newest invention" Claimed the Doctor as he took his work out of concealment by removing the giant blanket (clichés ahoy!).

"BEHOLD! This is my subplot eliminator! Its name is self explanatory, so it doesn't do much". Said the Doctor, revealing what looked like a gargantuan washing machine with wiring on the inside.

"Just like the triangle and the breadstick, you're clearly going to proceed with that excessively frequent gag by doing something to stop me as I have no control every time I try to carry on. But hey! Don't you want to test it out for me before doing that?" Asked Doofenshmirtz, more polite than usual.

Perry couldn't even think of something more creative than shrugging before coming up to the machine and pushing its only red button.

The machine began to rumble for a few seconds, faster for each one that passed. Once it finished, a laser appeared out of it. It aimed for the open window, and shot a black and blue beam straight out of it.

The laser was merely twenty seconds apart from reaching the Flynn's home.

Candace could see her Mom had arrived at the neighborhood during that moment.

Fifteen seconds remained.

"Mom! Hurry up before it vanishes like it always does and obviously will do anyhow!" Bellowed Candace once her Mom was in the middle of getting out of the car.

Ten seconds remained.

"All right, dear. But first help me put the groceries inside" Said her Mom. Candace put them all away in less than one twelfth of a minute.

"All done Mom! Now let's hurry!" Said Candace.

Five seconds remained.

"Fine" Said her Mom.

Four seconds remained.

Candace ran all the way towards the backyard entrance.

Three seconds.

"There they are!" Yelled Candace, almost too enthusiastic.

Two seconds.

Her Mom was but three yards away from the dreaded entrance.

One.

She was on the point of seeing it, when the laser hits, and-.

(POOF)

By now, the entire story had just been rewound to not only take out the presence of Isabella and the machine, but to also give out the presence of Perry.

"Hey Perry there you- OH! Sorry, I was too early. Hold on…" Said Phineas, as he looked as his watch.

"What? But what happened?" Candace asked, always with the look of confusion.

"I don't know dear, but had it not been for the moronic script, I would have taken you to a psychiatrist by now." Said her Mom, before walking away.

Candace did not more except say "meep" and faint.

"Oh hey Perry there you are!" Said Phineas.

Perry just growled like a rabid llama, and walked away.

"Well Ferb, this sure was a great day, right?" Phineas asked.

Ferb knew this was his queue. His only problem was trying to figure out a good last-liner. It seemed impossible at first. But he thought of something ample enough after five seconds:

"People are going to flame this story"

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**Well there you have it! My first crackfic for a while now! I hope you enjoyed it.**

**And in case you didn't, try to figure out what GTH stands for (I'm not going to tell you likewise).**

**LATER!**


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